Remnants of Us

Sadie

I wipe the fresh tears from my cheeks and force myself off the edge of the mattress. The suffocating darkness of Room 309 at the Crestview motel presses in on me. I fold the crumpled letter with shaking fingers, tuck it safely into my pocket, and step into the tiny bathroom. I strip off my clothes, turning on the shower. The scalding spray hits my chilled skin, but it fails to wash away the bone-deep ache. After surviving the fire, I spent an agonizing week in the hospital. The fire investigators cleared me to go back to the ruins of our house to salvage my belongings, but I refuse to go. The structure is an unsafe, blackened shell. The very thought of standing in the ashes of the beautiful life I built with Garrett makes my stomach twist. I have not been back since that night.

Once I dry off, I slip into plain cotton pajamas, brush my teeth, and crawl under the stiff motel duvet. I reach for my cell phone to begin my nightly routine. The handset melted in the blaze, but by some absolute miracle, the memory card survived. I am incredibly grateful. My laptop did not make it. Every digital backup I owned went up in smoke. The saved images on this tiny piece of plastic are currently the only pieces of my history I have left.

I open the gallery and spend the next hour scrolling through a lifetime of captured moments. My thumb brushes over Garrett's smiling face. Beside him, in almost every single frame, stands Bennett. The three of us. It has always been the three of us. I met them on the very first day of high school. I was the new girl in town, terrified and completely friendless. Garrett and Bennett took one look at me and decided I belonged with them. Thirteen years of an unbreakable, inseparable bond. Now, that trio is permanently fractured into a duo.

My friendship with Garrett shifted into a fierce romance when we turned sixteen. He was the boy with the brightest smile and the softest heart, and he quickly became the absolute love of my life. We got married at eighteen, mere weeks before he and Bennett shipped out for the army. Thanks to our marriage, I was permitted to live locally near their base. Naturally, Bennett moved in with us. We would not have had it any other way. They re-enlisted twice, spending years in brutal conditions. Eight months ago, they finally chose to hang up their boots and start civilian lives. Garrett and I wanted kids. At twenty-six, after eight years of marriage, I was more than ready to start our family. Bennett was ready to settle down and meet the man of his dreams.

Garrett wanted to move down to Florida to be close to his family, who relocated here three years prior. I happily followed. I would have followed Garrett anywhere because he was my entire world. Even though Bennett's family lived in Texas, he insisted on coming with us. We were thrilled. Living together for so long meant I could not imagine a Florida house without him.

The rusty hinges of the motel door creak loudly. Bennett lets himself in. He locks the deadbolt and flashes his signature warm smile, but I see the raw grief hiding behind his eyes. He has spent every single night by my side since the fire. During my hospital stay, he sat beside my bed until the sun came up. Now that I am in this motel, he still refuses to let me sleep alone. I know the loss is tearing him apart inside. We both loved Garrett. We are both drifting in an empty ocean without him.

He walks past the foot of the bed and heads straight for the small shared closet. He pulls out a large, dark green duffel bag and drops it onto the stained carpet. My brow furrows in instant confusion. We lost all our clothes in the blaze. Ben went on a quick shopping run a few days ago to grab basic t-shirts, but I have never seen this heavy-duty duffel bag before.

"What is going on, Ben?" I sit up straighter, pulling the duvet over my lap.

He leaves the bag on the floor, walks over to the bed, and sits down beside me. A strange, heavy anticipation hangs in the quiet room.

"When we first arrived in Florida, Garrett and I spent a lot of nights talking on the porch about what we wanted from life. We spent so much time taking orders, huddled up in god-awful conditions. Gare knew he was ready to start a family with you. I knew I was ready to go find my knight in shining armor." He winks at me, coaxing a faint smile onto my lips before his expression turns serious again.

"Like I said, we knew what we ultimately wanted. But after surviving everything overseas, we felt like we needed to experience something different first. We bought these." He reaches into his jacket pocket, pulls out a thick white envelope, and extends his hand. He looks nervous.

I take the envelope, the thick paper feeling oddly heavy in my grasp. I lift the unsealed flap and slide out the contents. Colorful, glossy boarding passes and printed itineraries spill into my lap.

"They are tickets, Sadie. Open-ended tickets to travel around the world. The flight leaves tomorrow, and the itinerary spans a full year. He planned on surprising you with this on your anniversary, but then he..." Ben trails off, swallowing hard.

I stare blindly at the glossy boarding passes, my fingers trembling against the crisp paper. A year-long trip around the globe. This was Garrett's massive secret. A sudden wave of profound shock instantly washes away the suffocating melancholic nostalgia.

"How... What... Huh?" I stutter, the words tumbling out in a messy heap. I am rarely speechless, but my vocal cords refuse to work.

"I thought about this trip a lot over the last few days," Ben continues, his voice steadying. "I decided I wouldn't go. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized Gare would kick my ass from the afterlife if he thought I wasn't going because of him!"

A sudden, genuine laugh bursts from my chest. It is the first real sound of joy I have made since the fire. The sound bounces off the dingy walls, but I know Ben is right. Garrett would never accept us throwing our lives away.

I look at Ben's earnest face. He has been an incredible pillar of support since the day we met. He has been my absolute lifeline since Garrett died. I would be lying if I pretended I wouldn't be lost without him. The thought of navigating this suffocating grief alone terrifies me. I have no idea how I will cope. But I will never let him see that fear. I will not stop him from going. He deserves this adventure more than anyone I know.

Bennett is the kindest, most selfless man on the planet. He constantly puts everyone else before himself. If I ask him to stay, he will unpack that duffel bag in a heartbeat and never mention the tickets again. That is exactly why I refuse to ask him to stay.

I shake my head, forcing my mind back to the present. A sharp prickle of tears burns the back of my eyes at the thought of not seeing my best friend for a whole year. I blink hard, forcing the moisture down. The second he spots a single tear, he will scrap the entire plan. I refuse to be responsible for keeping him from this once-in-a-lifetime experience.

"He definitely would do that. You have to go, Ben. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and you will regret not going. I know you will." I force a supportive smile, resting my hand over his on the mattress.

He nods slowly, his eyes locking onto mine. He turns his hand over, lacing his fingers tightly through mine.

"Sadie... I want you to come with me."